Well, you can say they’re off. The circus hits the road. The persuaders tour, Ireland 2007. There’s been a giddiness pervading parliament and media alike since the new year dawned and at last it’s to be lanced. The gas is to be freed. The twitch is to be released. Well, blahdy blahdy blah. Cry ‘havoc’ and let loose the dogs of jaw.

The only way to avoid the hype is to leave the country. Take a break. We’re all up the poll. One way and then the other, they’ll be booking the cooks and cooking the books to convince us it’s an open race.
It may well be, but who knows? We are now in the zone. Nobody and nothing can be trusted. At this point, everyone has a view. In ‘The Outlaw Josey Wales’, Lone Watie excuses himself by saying ‘actually, I was just looking for an edge’. Well, they’re all at it. Looking for an edge.
Of course, the politicians are there. But the media are too. One report says that Independent Newspapers are backing Bertie Ahern and Fianna Fáil for a third successive term. But we also remember the Irish Times editorial after the revelations about Bertie Ahern’s Manchester dig-out that began with the words ‘so, we are to hold our noses’…
Well, whaddya say to that?!?
Look, for all the hype and tripe, this is a simple process. We’re a democracy, so we’re all involved in choosing who governs. Don’t knock it. Consider the alternative. Iraq? Afghanistan? China? Tajikistan? Iran? Zimbabwe? Nah, don’t think so. You don’t want it the way it is there, so it’s important to do your job.
And we’re a republic. That means that the citizen is the building block. That vote is a serious thing. So, here’s the Whole Hog’s four-steps-to-the-bar guide to doing your duty as a citizen.
Step One: register. As Rock The Vote keeps underlining, you can’t vote if you’re not registered, so do it now if you haven’t already. It’s still not too late, I think, and it isn’t hard. Check out www.rockthevote.ie. Now!!
Step Two: be a sceptic. Listen hard. What’s s/he saying and why? What’s behind it? What’s it mean? Remember, everyone has their angle. Every political party and every candidate has a spin doctor, each one of whom is dedicated to contouring and shaping the story to their client’s best interests.
But essentially, they’re trying to get to you, to pull you, to sway you and your friends as well. They want your whole network! It’s a mall! They want your custom, they want your vote. They want your allegiance.
That’s the way it is. It’s not a crime, it’s not cheating. It’s just politics. Which brings us to…
Step Three: think. What are the issues? What are the things you really think are important? Right now everyone is all twisted up over stamp duty, tax rates, the health system and being green.
But there’s lots of other things out there that you should be thinking about as well, like special education needs and resources for education in general, the insane planning debacle that has so many living so far from where they work, how the arts are financed, why the roads are in the shits, why it’s so dangerous to cycle, why gays aren’t allowed to marry, and so on…
The list is as long as a piece of string.
The thing is, it’s your string. So, what are your issues? And, fundamentally, is there anyone you’d absolutely hate to have in power? Gunrunners? Tax evaders? Fascists? Racists? Mealy mouths? Weasel wordsmiths? Thugs? Bullies? Celebrities?
Especially, is there anyone going for election that you truly loath and despise personally or for their party? On the other side, is there anyone going for election who really touches something in you, who makes you tingle, who makes you think ‘yes, this is real, this is true, this makes sense to me’? Because if there is, that person deserves your vote, even if you have to make a huge effort to get back to where you live to exercise your franchise.
Step Four: vote! And remember all that I’ve said. Use your vote wisely. Your forebears went through a lot of trouble to get that vote. Lots of people around the world don’t have the authority you have, to participate in choosing who’ll run the country. It’s a right, a privilege and a responsibility.
Use it wisely. Use it well.