The things I do for this column! In my never-ending quest to explore the outer reaches of sexual pleasure, I recently managed to get my hands on some Foria cannabis lube. I’m not partial to the devil’s weed as a general rule — mostly because of the cotton mouth — but I was curious to see if the lube lived up to the hype. The short answer is yes.

I was prompted to do this intensive research by curiosity — but also because of a recent study comparing the sexual behaviour of people while drunk or stoned.

Just for openers, always remember: having sex with a drunk person is wrong. Too much alcohol makes consent impossible. The reality, however, is that many — if not most — of us have had sex while intoxicated. Drunk sex is not a wise idea, but of course (a) there are degrees; and (b) it is common. This is one of the reasons why it is worth studying.

Joseph Palamar and his colleagues at New York University wanted to learn how alcohol and marijuana impacted on people’s sexual behaviour. They recruited 24 heterosexual adults to take part in a study. A series of in-depth interviews were carried out with the participants about their sexual experiences while drunk or stoned.

The study was published in the July issue of the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

It confirmed (boo hoo!) that beer googles are real! Most of the participants reported that alcohol ‘negatively’ affected their choice of sexual partner. Interestingly, this was true for both men and women. Apparently, alcohol lowers our standards, making us more likely to have sex with someone we either don’t like or don’t find attractive. However, according to Palamar’s research, this is far less of an issue with smoking dope.

This is partly explained by the fact that stoners are more likely to have sex with people they know — generally a regular sexual or romantic partner. Most often, the respondents were lighting up at home or at a partner’s house, whereas alcohol usage was more common in bars, clubs and social settings, instead of domestic ones.

Alcohol not only led to what is characterised as a lowering of standards, it was more likely to result in regretted sex too. Again, this was equally true for men and women — both genders reporting feelings of shame and embarrassment. And again, this was rare after smoking dope.

Drunk sex was also riskier. Palamar’s respondents reported that they made bad choices while drunk and could not remember whether or not they had used protection.

The study was based on a small sample group, and so its reliability is uncertain — but the conclusion that drunk sex often ends in a negative experience is predictable enough, assuming that, as Theresa May might put it, “Drunk means drunk”. What’s more interesting is that adverse consequences were shown to be much less likely with grass.

This doesn’t mean there weren’t any. One of the downsides to having sex while stoned is distraction. Palamar’s respondents reported being spacey during sex, or feeling less motivated to have it. Not great — but certainly better than feelings of nausea and dizziness that often accompany drunk sex.

If you can keep it together, smoking weed enhances sexual pleasure, while (apparently) alcohol numbs sensations. This can make it harder for both people to reach orgasm, the effect of which is sometimes that sex goes on too long, resulting in friction burns and, ugh, boredom. Stoners tend to have slower sex and engage in more sensual foreplay than drunk people — which is probably part of the reason that feelings of pleasure are increased.

Given all of this, it’s a pity then that we have yet to relax our laws around cannabis usage in Ireland. It’s also a pity that I prefer whiskey to weed. However I figured Foria would be an excellent compromise.

Foria is non-toxic which means it is edible. It doesn’t taste too bad either. You can use it to enhance oral sex, but I wouldn’t recommend sprinkling it on your cornflakes. Used correctly it won’t make you stoned, but that doesn’t mean it has no effect, because… oh boy! It certainly does — at least if you’re on Team Vagina.

My partner — poor thing — experienced zero difference. I, on the other hand, felt like I had taken my lower half on a sun holiday while the rest of me was still in Dublin. I was straight — but my genitals were stoned. It was… wonderfully weird.

The muscles in my vagina felt incredibly relaxed — almost as if I didn’t have any muscles at all. All lubes help you lubricate — the clue is right there in the name — but Foria seemed to do this even more than most.

However, the strangest and most unexpected effect was that it changed the kind of sex I wanted — slow, sensual and chilled out sex was preferable to anything else. I’m not sure if that was the lube itself or a psychosomatic reaction, but it was a marked difference.

I suspect Foria or another cannabis lubes would be excellent for anyone whose vaginal muscles tense up during sex, making penetration painful. It would also help the many women who have difficulty lubricating. Although there are plenty of lubes already available, the chemicals in them can exacerbate problems such as susceptibility to urinary tract infection. Foria is made with just cannabis and coconut oil, so it is perfectly natural — although not safe to use with latex condoms.

In July, the Anti-Austerity Alliance/ People Before Profit deputy Bríd Smith introduced a bill in the Dáil to legalise cannabis for medicinal use. Cannabis has significant medical properties and can help people suffering from chronic pain or reduce the nausea and spasms associated with multiple sclerosis.

It may be some time before Ireland legalises medical marijuana — and it’ll be even longer before the powers that be allow cannabis lube. But if you find yourself in one of the States where Foria is available, do yourself — or your lady — a favour and get some. As the great Louis Armstrong once said, marijuana is “an assistant and a friend.”