I was reading an article on sex toys for couples, for... eherm... research purposes, when I noticed something odd. Between the images of gleaming, ergonomically designed black and purple wonders of the modern age, there was a glaring omission. It’s humble in looks, and quite literally as cheap as chips...

Behold — the mighty cock ring!
Of all the sex toys designed for couples, none is easier to use or cheaper than the cock ring. I’m not talking about the fancy pants triple-ringed or metal-and-leather arab strap jobbies. No bells, batteries, vibrations or buzzing noise either: nope, I’m talking here about your bog standard silicone, latex or rubber ring.
Perhaps the very simplicity of the design is why it failed to feature — sex toy companies may be in the business of making our sex lives better, but they are mostly in the business of making money. You can’t patent a basic cock ring and charge a fortune for it.
As you’ll no doubt know, the standard cock ring is worn around the base of the penis. The idea is to hold blood in the penile shaft, helping a man maintain an erection, last longer and delay ejaculation. They can be also be worn around the scrotum or glans; or you can use two or more in various ways. I’d always presumed that they were originally medical devices, until someone cottoned on to the fact that they can make sex better for both men and women. A cock ring gives extra girth for her — which is sometimes appreciated — and can result in a more intense orgasm for him. It’s a win-win situation.
However, after doing some digging, this time genuinely for research purposes, I discovered that cock rings have been in use for at least several hundred years. The first written historical records of them date back to 13th century China, but it’s likely that they predate this. Sex aids, such as dildos and lubricants, have been with us since ancient times – so it seems probable that cock rings have a much longer history too.
What we do know is that these early Chinese cock rings were made of goat’s eyelids. Yes, you read that correctly — goat’s eyelids. The eyelids were tied around the man’s penis, while the eyelashes were hardened to give more pleasure to his partner. Eww! While I admire the inventiveness of the first person to make a sex toy with goat remains, that’s not something I’d be willing to have near my lovely lady bits.
Less disgusting were the cock rings carved from ivory into exotic shapes such as snakes or dragons (I am sensing a theme here). These date back to 17th century China, and while their artistic merit is remarkable, I doubt there were particularly comfortable. However, these were probably not sex toys as such, but were used to make the penis look pretty — and presumably doubled as napkin holders if they were needed in a hurry! These elaborate cock rings made their way back to Europe along with traders, who also imported silks, spices and tea from the Far East.
In Victorian England, cock rings were made of metal, but they were not used to increase sexual pleasure. Instead their purpose was to dissuade teenage boys from having wet dreams. The Victorians were obsessed with masturbation and nightly emissions, believing them to be morally and physically unhealthy, leading to feeble-mindedness, madness and degeneracy. A ring with metal teeth was placed over the penis before going asleep. If you got a hard-on while dreaming about a young lady’s ankles, the teeth would spring into action like a tiny vicious bear trap. Ouch! I doubt the Chinese would have approved!
The cock ring that we know and love today came into being in the 1930s after the development of latex. Originally popular with worldly city dwellers, the cock ring far more widely used after the Second World War. By the late 1960s cock rings began to appear in gay porn – and from there the humble rubber ring went on to conquer the world.
These days the cock ring comes in a dazzling array of forms. There’s cock expanders, chastity rings, cock gloves and delay rings to name a few, made in silicone, leather, latex, rubber and stainless steel. Some vibrate, have ticklers, rabbit ears or even dildos attached. Some glow in the dark. Some are adjustable, or have snaps, studs, buckles or beads. All of this can be overwhelming for the first timer, but I firmly place my money on the good old basic stretchy ring.
What’s not to love? It’s easy to use, doesn’t require batteries, make any noise, or worse still, splutter and die at an inconvenient moment. It’s safe as long as you don’t use one for more than half an hour — restricting blood flow to any area of the body for extended periods isn’t wise — and a ring that fits behind the balls can be used with a condom, although ideally you shouldn’t use the same one with different sex partners.
Being of a curious nature, I’ve tried a number of his‘n’her sex toys over the years. For the most part they were fine. I’ve chosen “fine” as a description because that’s exactly what they were — some were enjoyable but not the stuff of mind-blowing orgasms; some were less so, but not awful either. Just fine — and when a toy costs over €100, fine is really not good enough.
A friend of mine is a huge fan of sex toys that can be worn while having sex, including the We-Vibe or Lelo Noa. I’ve tried both, and while they are definitely better than many competing products, I prefer sex without them. First off, they can shift; secondly, they limit the positions you can use; and thirdly, they can be uncomfortable if you are with a man who has been generously endowed by nature or the gods. The cock ring presents no such difficulties and at around a fiver for a basic one, you don’t have to spend a fortune to up the pleasure ante either.
Frankly, I don’t think you can’t beat it, but then like Oscar Wilde, I have simple tastes — I am always satisfied with the best.