TOYS
It sounds like a joke but it isn’t… A new sex toy called Vortex Vibrations Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator turns your humble Hoover into a sex toy using the airflow from the vacuum cleaner to provide clitoral stimulation. The gadget is attached to a hand-held vacuum cleaner and then positioned over the vagina. The suction increases blood flow to the clit causing it to become enlarged and extra sensitive. The Vortex Vibrations is available exclusively from LoveHoney UK (www.lovehoney.co.uk) and sells for £34.99. Unfortunately they are all sold out at the moment, but I’ll let you know what it’s like as soon as I can get my hands on one.

COLLAGEN CLIMAX
A California doctor has come up with a unique treatment to help female patients climax faster – injecting collagen into the vaginal tissue where the G-spot is. Dr Justin Salerno is the only doctor in America offering the treatment, known as the G-shot, and claims he’s unable to keep up with the demand. Each G-Shot costs $1,850 and lasts four months. The treatment is designed for women who have healthy sex lives but would like a little boost. Patients claim the treatment allows them to climax faster and to achieve multiple orgasms. It all sounds very interesting until you note that this procedure is not without risk and 68 side effects ranging from bleeding to nodule formation may occur. Anybody else feel the need to make bad jokes about pork injections? Besides, how do you feel when everything slooooooows doooooown afterwards?

THE GOOD NEWS OR INDECENT SMUT?
His Holiness, Pope B, wouldn’t be very happy when he hears that more than 800 Hong Kong residents want to have the bible reclassified as ‘indecent’. The uproar began when a sex column in a student paper asked readers whether they’d ever fantasized about bestiality or incest. The column was deemed ‘indecent’ by authorities. In reaction to this, an anonymous web site www.truthbible.net was set up claiming that the content of the Good Book far exceeded the sex column in terms of its sexual and violent content. Over 800 complaints were received because of the bible’s content. If the bible is reclassified it will have to be sold sealed with a warning sticker to over-18s only.

PROSTITUTES PROTEST IN PADUA
Sex workers in the Italian city of Padua protested this March against a new fine for clients caught paying for sexual services. Under banners claiming “We Make Love, Not War,” prostitutes and transsexuals went to meet local officials to denounce the new €50 fine. The Mayor of Padua claimed that the fine is necessary to clean up the town. The sex workers want the local government to concentrate on sex traffickers, not on prostitutes who ply their trade freely.